This past weekend, I jumped a huge hurdle: my very last wedding photography gig of the summer, at 7 months pregnant.
I remember photographing weddings while pregnant with Ruth two years ago. My last wedding was when I was 8 months pregnant. This year, I intentionally gave myself more leeway, since I knew that photographing all summer would be a lot more brutal this time around, with the baby due in August.
Boy, am I ever glad I planned things this way. This past Friday's wedding wasn't excruciating or painful or hard, but I could feel the pregnancy starting to affect me in ways I didn't want for a long gig like a wedding. The shakiness from not snacking enough, feeling more out of breath than usual. Nothing terrifying or even remotely close to affecting my work itself, but enough that I was glad to be done before the dog days of summer officially rolled in.
With the weeks counting down to both our move and Lucas' arrival, it's hard for me to envision exactly what's going to happen, or predict what I'll want or be like at/after the birth. Having been through birth once before, it's comforting to know that yes, I will NOT be pregnant forever, but it's a complete mystery as to how the Lucas is going to make it from being on my inside to being on my outside.
(Obviously it's not a complete mystery, I'm just still locked into disbelief that it's actually going to happen that way.)
I'm not really that nervous about the birth. I'm more nervous about our move, and how the additional sibling will change the dynamics of our family relationships. For a period of time, I'll become something of a wretched emotional invalid, putting extra pressure on Steve, who already has the extra pressure of school on his shoulders. We'll have no income for a period of time--perhaps longer than we'd like--and I'm clueless as to exactly how it's all going to fall into place. And at some point, Ruth will figure out that the new arrival means less attention, so who knows what's going to result from that.
All of that seems to make the birth itself seem a little less complicated... delightfully simple, actually. All we have to do is wait and then go to the hospital (well, there's other work for me involved, har har har). Packing, moving, managing a family, school, and a new budget--we're giving birth to a whole new life as a family, which will involve a different sort of pain and travail.
But like my first journey into motherhood taught me, the moments of despair, while they feel never-ending and unjust, are indeed sweetened by moments of pleasure and bliss. You are stronger in the end, and more yourself than you were before.
Don't forget to check out the latest photos from June!
